Breathe no More
by Aubreys-Master
Summary: COMPLETE! Basically rated for unpleasent things, and language. During an "ordinary" check-up, Hatori gives Haru a not-so-pleasent diagnosis. (SLASH:: ULTRA RARE PAIRING: ShigurexHaru)
1. Who wants to live forever?

Disclaimer: We don't own it, we don't claim it.  
Warnings: Slash, paedophilia, character death, general unhappiness, and angsty-overloading. You no like, you no read. Deal?

Breathe No More

Chapter one

Who wants to live forever?

Why? Why couldn't he just come? Why, in god's name, did he have to go through this every time! He really wasn't asking much. Just stop by every once in blue moon. But no, Hatori had to hunt these boys down for their checkups. Every. Damn. Time. When Kyo was younger, he and Kazuma had to forcefully drag the cat. Yuki STILL won't come. And now, here he was, hunting down Hatsuharu. Was he really asking that much! Really, was he!

Actually, Haru had forgotten - completely and utterly forgotten. He was just coming back from Shigure's house, in fact. So, Hatori really hadn't needed to be so annoyed; or...maybe he needed to be MORE annoyed? It didn't matter what he needed to be. The fact was he WAS MORE annoyed. Either way, Haru got to come home to a very irritated Hatori.

"You -" He snorted once the ox appeared. "You are coming to my office. Now." He was tired of it. He'd gone to the school to get Yuki, he'd been kicked and bitten more times than he cared to count by the other children at various points. And now, Haru was going to be compliant - OR ELSE.

"Am I?" Haru blinked, rather unintelligently. "Why?" Though, slightly frightened by his cousin's tone, he went anyway.

"You have a check up." The dragon murmured. "And I absolutely refuse to chase you down, like I have to do with Yuki."

"O...kay..." Haru agreed, speeding up to catch Hatori's stride. When the doctor got like this, it was best to just go with it.

"You will sit." The doctor murmured, motioning vaguely as to where. Then, the great examination began!

There were two reasons why Hatori's younger cousins always tried to skip out on their check-ups: they were boring, and they usually involved needles. So far, the needles hadn't made their entrance yet, but that didn't change the boring problem. (Well...that, and Hatori's stethoscope was really cold...)

Hatori frowned irritably at something and proceeded to poke and prod at the ox. Well, that just wasn't right... He dragged Haru off to another part of the office where there were larger pieces of equipment and began prodding and poking at him with those.

"Ow..." Haru mumbled flatly. It was fairly obvious that he wasn't suffering too horrible of a pain, but being poked and prodded with large pieces of equipment wasn't exactly comfortable.

"You." The dragon demanded.. "Why is it that you weigh a good 20 pounds less than you did before? You were already underweight."

"I haven't been hungry...?" He offered, uncomfortably. He knew Hatori wasn't going to accept that, but it really was true.

"No. That one does not excuse you weighing a good 30 pounds under what you should." Ha'ri sighed. "Hatsuharu, that's not healthy."

"I can't help it." Haru pointed out with a sour look. "I haven't been hungry," he repeated. It really was his only excuse. He ate until he was full, and then he stopped.

Tori eyed him in annoyance, and that's when the needles made their appearance. If that was REALLY the case, he would just have to make sure he wasn't sick. Having blood drawn like that just happens to hurt...which was a perk, to the sadistic doctor.

"Ow!" Haru repeated, with a slight glare. "Tori-nii, isn't it a bit counter-productive to HURT your patients?"

"Quite whining. You're already an emaciated little twig. A little pain won't hurt you." The doctor answered dryly before taking that blood over to get examined. "Besides, I enjoy it."

"That's an unorthodox thing for a DOCTOR to say." Haru stated, but he let it drop then, and just waited for Hatori to complete his examination.

There was some further frowning on the doctors part.

"Nnn. I think I need to stick a tube down your throat." Tori murmured.

"What?" Haru spluttered, sure he must have heard incorrectly. Why had Hatori just said that...?

"How else am I supposed to get a look at your insides?" Hatori shrugged, examining his little blood sample a bit more.

"But- but-" He stammered before just sighing. Great...just great...that was perfect.

Oh yeah. That was fun. Actually, not really. Hatori was not happy as unpleasant signs continued to build up. He got some samples from inside the ox while he was at it, too, but those would take longer to look over, so he told the ox to go home and fucking eat; he'd call him back later. Haru went, and he ate...a bit...He'd meant it when he'd said he wasn't hungry. He'd just come from Shigure's - it was obvious that Tohru had tried to shove food down his throat there, too, and if that hadn't worked, he highly doubted that trying to entice his appetite himself would.

The next day Hatori called him in after school, and he still wasn't sounding too happy.

"You're diseased." The man sighed.

"Diseased?" Haru repeated with an odd look. "With...what?"

"Nnn. The name of the disease isn't going to mean much to you." Hatori told him. "But all signs point straight over to Pulmonary Fibrosis." Well, this sucked. He'd certainly failed as a doctor if his patient had gotten this. "...Lung disease."

"What's it do...?" Haru wanted to know, his eyes narrowing slightly. "In simple terms."

"Kills you eventually?"

"Ah..." Haru blinked a few times, and was pretty sure his brain stopped functioning for a minute. His knees certainly did, as he sat down heavily in the nearest chair. Dying? That...wasn't good...

"Nnn, the worst of the symptoms haven't started yet because you're still young." The doctor explained a little. "And if I get you some medicine...and if you actually take it...it should help, but there really isn't anyway to stop it."

"Great." Haru responded in a flat tone, finally. "That's...great. I should...go now."

"All right. I'm warning you now, don't overdo anything. I don't know how fast it will progress; it was just recently in the noticeable stage." The doctor warned him seriously.

"Yeah..." He agreed with a small nod. "I'll be careful."

He waited a moment, before getting back to his feet, once his legs would actually support his weight again, and slowly walked out of the room. His pace grew faster the further he went. There was someone he wanted to spend as much time as he could with...especially now that he knew he might not have that much left to spend.

NEW CHAPTER THINGY (MAYBE)!

If he was really lucky, he wouldn't get lost. While he ran off, Hatori set about looking for something that might potentially be helpful, but there wasn't a very high chance of that.

The residents of Shigure's home were very surprised to see him. He'd just been over yesterday, hadn't he? What was he doing back so soon? Tohru let him in anyways and just made off a short list as to where everyone was: Shigure was in his study, Kyo was in the kitchen and Yuki was upstairs in his room.

Haru thanked her quietly, and set off for Shigure's office. He didn't bother to knock; he knew Shigure wouldn't care.

"Hi..." He greeted softly, closing the door again behind him.

The dog turned to look at him and smiled up from his chair.

"Well, isn't that a pleasant surprise. Haa-kun is back." he was happy to forget about what he was actually doing in favour of the ox.

"Uh...yeah...not so pleasant, actually." He smiled tiredly back at him, and just went over and sat down in front of him. "I just saw Tori-nii today..."

"Oh?" His older cousin slouched forward so their eyes were level. "Did he hurt you? He is horribly sadistic like that."

"Uh...no." He shook his head a bit, and took a deep breath, fully prepared to tell Shigure Hatori's diagnosis...but then his stomach dropped, and he started wracking his brain for an good cover up. "He said it looked like I might be getting a fever, and I should be careful." He lied quickly, hoping that maybe (just maybe) Shigure wouldn't notice the slight lack of honesty in his statement.

The dog raised an eyebrow slowly. What a load of crap.

"That just won't do then." He murmured. "You should be at home resting, if that's the case."

"No!" Haru protested quickly. "No, no...I wanted to see you..." He could tell Shigure wasn't buying a word of his bullshit, but, unless the dog said something...he wasn't sure he could work up the nerve to tell him otherwise.

"So your plan is to get me sick as well?" The writer teased idly.

"I...really don't think it's contagious..." He tried...He also wasn't sure how much longer he could lie about this. Seriously, Shigure was bound to notice, at some point. Like...when he was dead.

"Oh, but you never know with these things." Shigure grinned. "Sometimes they don't seem to be a problem, just real small, and then 'poof'! You've gotten everyone sick, and it gets bigger and spreads."

"You don't believe me, do you?" Haru asked, with a withering look.

The dog snorted. "Well, crap. What gave me away?"

"The fact that I've met you?" His withering look melted into a sort of wry grin, and he just leaned forward against the elderâ€™s chest. "It's a bit more serious than a fever...and it's not contagious." He added slowly. He'd decided it would probably be easier to say it now, then whenever it was doing whatever it was supposed to do.

"Oh?" Shigure wondered. Hatori had obviously scared the poor kid. He'd have to go over there and tell him to stop doing that. First he was making Tohru cry... Now he's scaring Haru. "What kind of horrible disease has Haa-san decided you have?"

"What'd he call it...?" Haru pondered it for a moment. "Oh, yeah. 'Pulmonary Fibrosis'." He quoted carefully, casting an appraising look up at Shigure as he spoke.

"He's sunk to new lows." The older man raised an eyebrow with an odd look. "Just dumping fatal lung diseases on people. Really. He should stop that."

"Sensei," Haru sweat dropped slightly. "I...don't think he was joking."

"Neither was I. I'm sure he could have found a much nicer way to tell you about it than he did." Shigure mused. "Like...well, you see, Haa-kun, Fibrosis is really just a misunderstood blessing. It doesn't have any direction in its life and it's latched onto your lungs in rebellion. It's looking for some structure. So, in a way, you're actually helping this poor mislead disease. You're such a kind person."

Poor Haru sweat dropped a bit more.

"You really ARE an idiot..." He decided in a bemused tone. "You make it sound like a teenager gone awry..."

"Nnn, I am what I am." The dog shrugged.

Haru shook his head a little, and let it rest against Shigure's chest.

"Am I allowed to be scared?" He wondered finally. It sounded stupid, even to his own ears, to ask if he was ALLOWED to be afraid to die. But...it really was the only way he could think of to phrase it.

"Yes," The brunette nodded. "Most people are at the threat of death. It's a big complicated mortality thing that everyone has to deal with at some point."

"I'm not scared of death." Haru pulled back a little, to look at him properly. "I'm scared of dying in a slow and painful manner, but not of being dead."

"Same difference." The dog grinned wryly. "Death and its manners come in a nice bundled package."

Haru eyed him for a moment longer, before just shaking his head a bit.

"I don't know why I'm getting so upset over this." He admitted, trying to calm down. "I mean, everyone's dying, right? It's just one of those nasty effects of being born."

"Ah, now you listen to what I was saying about mortality." The older man teased. The ox was a lot like the cat in that he tended not to listen the first time people said something...

"I was listening." Haru protested a bit. "It just...didn't make sense until then..." That really didn't do much for his defence, and Haru knew it.

"Don't worry." The brunette grinned. "You're not dead yet."

"I'm aware of this." He confirmed with a small nod. "I don't think it would be that easy a mistake to make, you know? The difference between being alive or not."

"You can just never be certain." Shigure chuckled.

Haru sighed, for a moment, before he realized something.

"Tori-nii didn't mention how it kills..." He mused, mostly to himself.

"I'll ask him when I go to scold him for scaring you." The dog snorted.

"He...didn't scare me..." He lied, squirming uncomfortably.

Shigure smiled knowingly at him. "Oh yes. My apologies. Nothing like that would scare the great Haa-kun?"

"Well...not TOO scared..." He relented a bit. It still wasn't completely honest, but his pride wasn't willing to let up anymore.

The dog choked on his laughter before ruffling his hair. "Haa-san failed to mention most don't die of Fibrosis until their fifties, didn't he?"

Haru blinked a few times, before blushing and hanging his head.

"Yes..."

"I told you he was a sadistic jerk."

The ox looked quite put out at this point.

"He made me think I was going to keel over next week!" He complained grumpily.

"Hnn, maybe not next week." The dog murmured. "But, if it's far enough for Haa-san to notice, you might start experiencing some rather unpleasant symptoms. It is a lung disease, after all."

Haru let out a few sarcastic snorts of laughter, that slowly melted into a groan.

"Great! That's just perfect..."

Shigure pet his head nicely this time. "Just thought I'd pass on a little warning. Some of your usual activities will probably aggravate it. Don't want you dying before absolutely necessary."

"No more training or sex?" Haru looked appalled at both ends of it. He couldn't think of anything else he did that might aggravate a lung condition, and he wasn't willing to sacrifice either. "That's no good."

"We don't want you dying, now, do we?" Shigure snorted. "Since, if love hurts, then sex must kill."

"But, what's the point in living at all, if I'm not going to enjoy it?" Haru countered with. "Live life to the fullest, right?"

"Nnn, your quote does beat mine into the dirt." The dog agreed with a dramatic shrug.

"I know." He agreed with a smug little smirk. "So, there will be no pacifism or chastity vows."

"It's a bit late for chastity." Shigure pointed out idly.

"That's beside the point." That smug tone slipped into something of exasperation. "Don't ruin my good point."

"Ah, yes - my apologies, Haa-kun!" His older cousin snorted helplessly.

"Yeah." He snorted, feeling much better now that he was sure he wasn't going to die at any given moment. "Forgiven."

Shigure played up his role as the dog for a moment as he nosed against the ox gently.

"You are far too kind, master." He mocked mercilessly.

"Hush?" Haru requested simply, turning his head to meet Shigure's lips, as he was being nosed.

"Mm," The man licked his lips when they pulled apart again. "Normally, it would be a required response for me to be even more obnoxious. But for you I'll make an exception." He informed the boy.

"Thanks so much." The ox snorted, only a little sarcasm in his tone.

"You're welcome." Shigure grinned wryly. "It takes me a lot of effort not to be a jackass, after all."

"I'm aware." He promised, before kissing his older cousin again.

The writer pulled him in closer this time. Despite all outward appearance and joking, he wasn't exactly pleased to hear his cousin had a terminal illness. But he really isn't the type to stress over it, either.

"You're very good at that." Haru commented, once that kiss broke. He was surprised Ayame and Hatori would give him up...

"When you can't cuddle the pretty girls you have to find some way to keep them happy." The writer explained dryly. "And now I use it to brainwash pretty little boys to do my bidding." He was kidding. Sorta. Yeah. Kidding...

"Is that how you got Tori-nii?" He wondered.

"Yes and no." The dog shrugged. "I needed Aaya's help with him. But between us, yes."

"I'm impressed." He admitted, and he really was. "Could I possibly talk my wonderful lover into walking me home, so I don't get lost?" He asked next.

"Nnn, for a dog treat, maybe." This time he really was kidding. Really.

"Damn." He snapped his fingers teasingly, playing along. "I left them at home."

"We'll just have to go get them then, won't we?" He needed to go and tease Hatori about scaring his little boyfriend anyways.

"Sure." He agreed with a grin, before placing one more kiss on the dog's lips, a quick one, and standing up. He did have homework to do...

Shigure followed suite, telling his little housemates to fucking behave themselves while he was gone and if anything was broken when he returned he would kill them.

"You're so sweet." Haru complimented sarcastically. (A sarcastic compliment? Wouldn't that be an insult, maybe?)

The dog raised an eyebrow and grinned lecherously. "Glad someone thinks so." He was choosing to ignore that sarcasm.

"Of course." He nodded, grasping Shigure's hand, almost possessively, as they started off for the main house.

Well, thanks to the writer, they made it back. It was a miracle Haru had made it there on his own to begin with; best not to press his luck with the returning trip. He was even nice enough to make sure the misdirectional creature made it all the way to his room.

"Thank you," Haru smiled up at him, once they got to his room. He even dared to risk it and give Shigure one last kiss. He hadn't heard anything about Akito all day, he was sure that they wouldn't get caught. Who knew? The head might not care, even if they were.

Wouldn't matter either way. Once he was close enough Shigure wrapped him up and backed up until his own back was against the door. No one was coming in until he moved. He tightened his hold around Haru's waist and happily deepened this kiss. They couldn't do this back at Shigure's. There was always someone poking their head into the dog's study there. But here, there were some different circumstances...and Shigure wanted his dog treat, anyways.

"I told you..." Haru smiled again, once they broke apart. "...that I had a treat for you."

His lover nibbled on his neck teasingly. "And a very tasty treat you are."

"You're not the first person to say that." That wasn't exactly true...Well, not those exact words, anyway.

"You have dogs licking you often, Haa-kun?" The taller man laughed as he kept up his assault on the kid's neck. What could he say, he did taste good.

"I didn't say that." Haru pointed out, running his fingers through his lover's hair. "Did I?"

"I'm a writer." Shigure breathed out carefully. "It's my job to twist around words."

"Yeah, well," He shrugged a bit. "I don't like people twisting mine."

"Touchy, touchy, Haa-kun."

"Nnn..." He shook his head, and urged the man away from his neck. "You're going to give me a hickey."

"That would be fun." The author grinned broadly, but went with the urging anyways.

"I have homework." Haru informed him, giving up one last kiss, before ushering him to the door. "Lots of homework."

Shigure sighed dramatically. "I'll just have to go play with Haa-san then..."

"Don't play too much." Haru warned teasingly. He knew Hatori wouldn't do anything, even if Shigure DID try to cheat on him. Not that he thought he would, of course.

"Hmm, you're right... I can't play too much without Aaya around as well... Drat." The dog pouted as he left for the dragon's house.

_To be continued…_

_"There's nowhere left to hide_

_In no one to confide_

_The truth burns deep inside_

_And will never die…" –Muse (Sing for Absolution)_


	2. The end of the world not really

Disclaimer: We don't own it, we don't claim it.

A/N: See first chapter for warnings.

_**Breathe no More**_

_**Chapter Two**_

_**The end of the world…not really**_

"Shigure..." Hatori blinked a few times, when he opened his door. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to pay a visit to you, of course, Haa-san." The shorter brunette latched onto him with a cheesy grin.

"Oh..." He nodded, stepping aside to let him in. "Come in, then."

"You wouldn't happen to be hiding Aaya around here somewhere?" Shigure wondered as he entered the dragon's domicile. "I wanted someone to play with, and amazingly enough... everyone has homework. I do so detest being an adult sometimes."

"No," Hatori shook his head. "Ayame is not here." He politely ignored that last part about homework and being an adult.

"Bah!" His friend sighed. "I am denied again..."

"Why did you come again?" Hatori wanted to know, returning to his desk. He'd been working on getting both Akito and Hatsuharu's files updated that day.

"I wanted to take a turn hitting you with a newspaper, but then I realized you would just hit me back." Shigure grinned.

"For what?" He blinked, looking up from his work.

"You scared Haa-kun, you big meany." The mutt looked at him accusingly. "It was bad enough when you made Tohru-kun cry. You're sinking to new lows, Haa-san."

"Scared?" He frowned, trying to think of when he'd done that. "Oh! That. He told you, hm"

"Who else was he going to tell about it?" The shorter man wondered. "He was scared, and Tohru-kun and Kyo-kun wouldn't be much help... Neither would Momiji or Satchan... We don't know where Rin-chan is, and Yuki-kun would probably just say he was lucky he was just dying rather than being beaten and raped." He rolled his eyes at that last one. Yuki probably would, too...

"Hmm...I see your point." Hatori agreed, getting back to the records, but he kept talking at the same time. "Frightening him wasn't my intention. He deserves to know the truth. Keeping him in the dark won't help anything."

"You just fail to mention that this particular disease tends to take its time." The dog raised an eyebrow. "Your tact is as horrible as ever."

"I told him 'eventually'." He shrugged a little. "That does not now, nor has it ever, translate to 'soon'."

"Either way, I got sidled with the pleasure of easing his fears." Yes. He'd enjoyed himself quite a bit. "Try being nice to the children now, Haa-san?"

"Well, how nice can you be when you're telling someone that he has a fatal lung disease?"

"Anything other than whatever it is you did say?"

"I told him the truth." Hatori stated. "You want me to lie next time?"

"Sure. It's what I always do." Shigure snorted.

"It's slightly unorthodox in the medical field." Hatori informed him, still writing, his tone slightly absent.

"No one will ever know about it, Haa-san." The dog admonished slightly. "You're not technically IN the field."

"Close enough." The doctor brushed it off. "I'm still not supposed to lie to a patient about what's wrong with them."

"Neh," Shigure stuck his tongue out. "I knew I should have just accepted my counter-smack and gotten a newspaper..."

"It's not going to kill him particularly soon, anyway." The dragon pointed out. "It will vary, depending on how quickly it progresses, but it's not like it's going to be tomorrow."

"Insult me not, Haa-san. I know." The other Sohma replied dryly.

"You're the one who came here and started throwing out accusations."

"Not accusing. Stating. You did scare him." Shigure grinned.

"That was his own fault." He pointed out, looking up from his paperwork. "He could have asked any questions he wanted to. He didn't ask any."

"Cold blooded, Haa-san." His friend rolled his eyes. "Maybe I do need to get Aaya over here to loosen you up. Maybe a few bottles of liquor while I'm at it."

"Or not." Hatori frowned. "I don't need the hangover." Hatori and liquor...didn't get along too well.

"I'm sure Aaya can think of something else that's just as fun." And that was when Hatori knew he had no more say in this. Shigure was going to call Ayame. Ayame was going to come over and pester him... But contrary to popular belief, Shigure was going to go home before any of the fun began.

"Tell Hatsuharu to calm down, next time you see him." Hatori commanded, upon seeing him to the door. "Panicking isn't good for him."

"Right, and you better have fun with Aaya. Or I'll use alcoholic means next time." The dog threatened and headed off. It _was_ kinda late...

_To be continued…_

_"We barely remember_

_Who or what came before_

_This precious moment_

_We're choosing to be here…" –Tool (Parabol)_


	3. Hysteria

Disclaimer: We don't own it, we don't claim it.   
A/N: Refer to chap one.  
A/N 2: Sorry, Darkgoddess. Neither you, nor anyone else, has any say in what occurs in this story. We finished writting it, before chapter one hit the Net. But, no worries, We'll be putting out a story where Haru gets his happy(?) ending soon.

**Breathe No More  
Chapter Three  
Hysteria**

He honestly had no idea how, but Hatsuharu managed to finish his homework that night. However, he somehow wasn't looking forward to school the next day. It seemed a little obsolete if he was just going to die of a lethal lung disease anyway, but, if Shigure was right, it shouldn't actually kill him for some time, so he ended up going to school. It still didn't make him feel any less weird about it. It was also the first time he'd see any of his cousins, besides Hatori and Shigure, since he'd gotten Hatori's little diagnosis.

None of them were any different, though. Momiji still clambered up on him, Tohru still flustered and greeted and offered to do this or that, Yuki still stayed in his little bubble of indifference, and Kyo was still off brooding in his little corner. And none of them were any the wiser, either! That thrilled Haru. The family gossip tree hadn't gotten a hold of his illness yet! It was still a secret! It was quite the achievement to still have a secret in their family, past twenty-four hours of figuring it out yourself. So, it was actually a pretty normal day, and he was grateful for that. He could thank Shigure for that entirely. The dog was his secret lover after all, and also one of the largest gossips in the family. So if he didn't want it known, it probably wouldn't be. Unless he did something stupid... we won't put that past him...Well, they didn't really need to worry about that. Haru could get his secret blown all on his own, thank you very much.

...And, he did. The next day at his martial arts lesson. One of those "unpleasant" symptoms that Shigure had mentioned happened to come in the form of breathing problems. And, it happened to come in the middle of his lesson. That really irritated him. Couldn't his deadly disease have better timing? Yeah, it wasn't very nice to not tell Kazuma about this disease. He was really worried about the kid when that happened. So that's how they ended up with Haru rather unable to breathe, and Kazuma wondering why, while Hatori tried to fix the little 'not breathing' problem. Well, it calmed down...eventually. Soon enough that he didn't die. That was helpful. Haru...really hadn't liked that, though. It had been scary. Was that how Yuki felt when his bronchial tubes acted up? He'd have to try and do something extra nice for his cousin next time that happened...

"I told you not to over-do it." Hatori sighed before going to explain to Kazuma. He'd come back and properly admonish the ox later.

"I didn't know what WAS 'over doing it'!" Haru called after him, his shoulders still heaving as he tried to catch his breath.

So once the karate master was filled in (He apologized for getting the ox in his current state) Hatori returned.

"Hnn..." The dragon sighed. "You're staying here for a while where I can watch you."

"Stay here?" Haru echoed, frowning. He didn't want to stay there!

"Yes. I trust you to take care of yourself about as much as a trust Yuki." The doctor informed him. "He got to stay here when he over-did it too. I don't play favourites."

"That wasn't my fault." Haru felt he should point out. "You didn't exactly tell me what 'over-doing it' would be."

"Common sense." Ha'ri shrugged before heading off. He was going to find someone to come keep the kid company. He was more fidgety than Kyo and he could just IMAGINE how unpleasant keeping the ox here would be. Maybe Yuki would come...Shigure answered the phone, though. He rolled his eyes when he heard what his friend had to say, too.

"Really, Haa-san." He snorted before hanging up. He immediate went upstairs and changed his clothes, then told his housemates he would be back later, and if anything was broken when he returned he would feed them their spleens. When he arrived at the dragon's office his taller friend blinked at him. He wasn't wearing his robes. Nah, for some reason or another he was in regular pants and an untucked dress shirt. Hatori couldn't even remember the last time he'd seen Shigure in pants...

"Shigure?" He wondered. "What are you doing here."

"I came to visit Haa-kun." The brunette stated very plainly as the doctor let him in.

"Right, he's back there." The doctor motioned vaguely.

Haru was currently sulking in the bed that Hatori had told him to stay in. This sucked. Not only had he not been able to breathe to the point that he'd almost passed out twice, now he had to sit there in the boring doctor's office. The only thing he could possibly think of that could make the situation worse was the power going off. Then he'd have to sit there in the boring doctor's office in the dark. That would make it worse.

"Haaaa-kun." The dog crooned softly as he approached. Hatori had hissed a warning about him keeping the kid calm before going to take care of the massive paperwork that came with having diseased cousins.

"Sensei?" Haru blinked up at him, raising an eyebrow. He...honestly hadn't expected his boyfriend to show up. Really. He hadn't. "What're you doing here?"

"Coming to rescue the princess from the dragon-guarded keep." Shigure answered dryly with a half smile.

"Princess?" Haru echoed, not sure if he would be insulted by that or not. "That is one of the weirdest analogies you've come up with, I think."

"It's not to be taken literally, either way." The adult assured him.

Haru snorted, and eyed him for a moment, before speaking again.

"You're wearing real clothes." He noted, a small smile playing on his lips. "I told you there was nothing wrong with pants. Why the change?"

Shigure raised an eyebrow. "Because I'm not being a writer right now. I'm being a boyfriend. Isn't it neat how I can just change around like that?"

"Aw," He all but cooed teasingly. "You put pants on for me! I'm honoured." Now he had pants to get into...though, he was pretty sure that phrase only worked the other way around...either way.

"Impressive, isn't it." His lover laughed before ruffling his hair. He had no aversion to pants, but he worked from home. So, what was the point, exactly?

"So, did Tori-nii call you, or did you have a sudden desire to come see me, and it was through pure instinct that you chose to look here first?" Haru wanted to know next, his tone only a little sarcastic. (Really, he just wanted something to say. He really was that bored already.)

"He called trying to get Yuki to come see you. But I think it's excessive for him to keep you here, so I intend to bust you out in a few minutes." The dog murmured out idly.

"Thank you!" Haru snickered triumphantly. "He has no reason to not trust me to take care of myself." Or, at least, that's what he thought.

"Hmm, I'm going to go pester Haa-san. You get shoes and such and wait outside the door." The older Sohma smiled lightly before heading off to bother the living hell out of his friend for a few minutes.

"Right." Haru agreed, and got up to obey, while Hatori was outside, trying to convince Shigure WHY Haru needed to stay put.

Shigure joined him outside later with a pleased grin.

"No one shall ever break my record. It only takes me 5 minutes to annoy Haa-san into apoplexy."

Haru grinned at him with amusement, and opened his mouth, to reply, when Hatori followed Shigure out, and yanked the dog back toward the room a bit, hissing into his ear.

"Remember, don't let him do anything too stressful." He warned lowly. "The disease itself might not kill him for sometime, but that won't matter if he suffocates himself first."

Haru frowned, and offered his cousin a sharp look, annoyed at that. He could still hear him, after all, in such close proximity. And he didn't appreciate that comment one bit. It wasn't like he wasn't already embarrassed about his little episode before, without Hatori treating him like he was made of glass.

"Oh, bah." The dog stuck his tongue out at him. "Go horde treasure or something." He shook loose of his friend. He wasn't going to let Hatori just keep the ox all cooped up because he was acting like a worried mother hen.

"I'm just saying, make sure he's careful." It really was all he was asking. It wasn't much. Really, it wasn't.

"Think going out to lunch is too stressful for you, Haa-kun?" Shigure wondered dryly.

"No." Haru muttered in a defensive tone. "And, I would have been able to finish class, too, if Shihan panicked. All I needed was a minute..." he wasn't exactly sure if this was true, and Hatori was pretty damn confidant that it wasn't, but that was the ox's story, and he was sticking to it.

"Well then! Let's go have a nice careful afternoon." The writer rolled his eyes before grinning, he dramatically offered the teenager his arm and they headed off. Hatori could drop dead.

"Thank you," Haru sighed, once they were out, and sitting at a table in a restaurant. "Tori-nii worries too much..."

"He's trying to steal my treasure." Shigure sighed emotionally. "Damn dragon."

"Okay, Sensei," Haru rolled his eyes. "You're taking this dragon and princess thing too far, now."

"I must use it when I can. Haa-san tends to smack me if I mention his zodiac usually." The mutt responded idly.

"That's because you're usually mocking him." The ox felt he should point out, with a small, dry smile. Just barely twitching at his lips, hardly noticeable.

"That is completely beside the point." Although, actually, that was the point. But Shigure wasn't known for making sense.

"No, it's not." Haru shook his head matter-of-factly. Then, he quickly broke the conversation off, so they could order, and even once that was done, he carefully kept the subject off of his own health issues. He wasn't going to let himself be upset over this. Or...at least not TOO upset. The last thing he wanted was to loose moral and end up stuck in a bed, like some helpless invalid, for the rest of his life.

Later, the dog took his younger lover out of the bustle of the town and somewhere a little more quiet...and with less women.

"Hmm, I haven't taken anyone out on a date in years." He mused to himself absently.

"That sounds a little hard to believe." Haru admitted softly, absently letting his fingers intertwine with his boyfriend's.

"No, really." Shigure smiled softly at him. "Dating halted after Kana-chan left." He thought that explained everything fairly well right there.

"Oh." Haru blinked a little, before just nodding. "That makes sense, I guess."

"Then Haa-san got rather boring and I needed a new squeaky toy." The older man snorted at the wording of that.

Haru twitched a little, and offered him an odd look.

"I don't talk about my past sex life with you." He pointed out.

Shigure kissed his cheek, almost in apology. "You could if you wanted."

"And yet, I still don't." He sighed, gaze softening a little after the kiss.

His lover reclaimed his hand before wrapping that arm around his shoulders.

"Your subtle hint for me to shut the hell up?" he wondered. "I figured you'd love to tease Haa-san about some of that, though." He'd been hoping so at least.

"Why would I want to do that?" He wondered, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"Because Haa-san is fun to tease, and he won't smack you."

Haru snorted a bit, but just let his head tip a bit sideways, to rest against Shigure.

"Think I might skip that, thanks."

"No fun at all!" The brunette laughed.

"You're not the one who'd have to deal with Tori-nii afterward." He felt he should point out.

"He'd get over it." The dog muttered quietly. "Eventually..."

"Eventually being the key word?"

"Uh-huh." Shigure agreed nuzzling him. "But Haa-san is too nice for his own good; it wouldn't be long."

Haru just sighed again.

"I still think I'll skip it." He decided, glancing up at him curiously. "Where are we going?" He wanted to know.

"Over this-a-ways." The dog chuckled and they continued on their way. He was supposed to be careful with Haru, so he figured that a movie would be a safe place.

Indeed, safe and fun, as far as Haru was concerned. Movies meant kissing...and he really enjoyed kissing Shigure...

Movies kissing? That's an interesting equation - one that his older lover was plenty happy to go along with. He just hoped the ox wouldn't start suffocating. That would only kind-of suck.

Well, not exactly...His breathing was a bit heavy and ragged by the time they were finished. But he wasn't suffocating...yet...He didn't know what might happen later, but at the moment, he was breathing.

The dog brushed his hair, not much of his concern showed too much. But he was, a bit. He didn't exactly want the ox to keel over or anything.

Haru offered him an odd look, and just placed one last, quick, kiss on his lover's lips, in a silent plea to please not worry, and that he really was fine. Shigure quickly grinned. He hadn't meant to look like he was worrying to begin with.

"Shall I walk the lady home now?"

"You're REALLY pushing that princess bit." Haru informed him with a small frown. Wasn't enough that people kept calling him a cow? Didn't he already have enough gender confusion? "But...yeah, thanks." He added a moment later.

"I played boyfriend today." The brunette held up a finger with his point. "Next time I'll be the lady if it makes you feel better?" He offered teasingly.

"Well...you people already call me a cow." Haru defended himself slightly.

"Ah, the insecurities surface?" The author raised an eyebrow. "Well, I promise. You're not a girl."

"I already know that!" Haru snapped, blushing furiously. "It-it's a...public opinion issue...I guess..."

"Public opinion? I think it's just Kyo-kun being an ass."

"Same difference." He shrugged a bit, still blushing quite a bit.

Shigure nosed his cheek imploringly. "I won't call you that, then?" He offered with a wry smile.

"Hm..." he agreed with a nod. "That'd be nice of you."

"I can be nice when I try." The taller assured him.

"I feel special now." Haru snorted with some amusement. And, if they hadn't been in public, he probably would have kissed him, too.

So they headed back to the main compound, Shigure almost wanted to go tell Haa-san he hadn't killed the kid, just to be obnoxious. But he decided staying in the younger's presence for a bit longer would be a bit more enjoyable.

"Thank you," Haru smiled, his breathing still a bit harsher than it really should be. "For a completely enjoyable evening."

"You will now rest so I can come back tomorrow and ravish you without fear of you suffocating on me." The dog teased carefully, ruffling his hair.

"I'm not going to suffocate on you." Haru frowned a bit. "What happened today...was a freak accident. I'm sure it won't happen again..."

"Keep it in the back of your mind, anyway?" Shigure drew him in close. "Don't stress over it, but it would be rather stupid to think it can't happen again."

"I'm not weak." Haru stated, still frowning, almost defensively. "I'm not gonna live in…fear of this."

"I didn't say that at all, Haa-kun." His lover pointed out.

"I don't need to be careful!" He tried to elaborate. "I don't plan on losing to it, so, there's no point."

"Things don't always go according to plan." Shigure raised an eyebrow. "If things were going according to plan you wouldn't have the disease to begin with."

"Well, yeah, but..." He frowned even more. "I...don't want to be one of those people who dies in bed, because they're too afraid to try to do anything..."

"Now, if you would listen, that's not what I said either." The author laughed. "I don't want you to lie in bed like a little vegetable; I also don't want you to just disregard your disease, either."

"Best way to live around it is to ignore it completely?" He offered weakly, losing a bit of his ground in his argument. And his frown was losing most of his defensive anger, and slipping into a flat out unhappy look. He didn't like feeling scared, and the whole situation was REALLY scaring him...

"Survey says: no." Shigure made a little buzzer noise while he was at it.

"But...Sensei..." Oh, there was no way in hell that he was going to cry. Nope, absolutely not, not over something as minor as dying. No crying for Haru...right?

The dog sighed; he locked the door quickly before pulling the silly little cow to the floor and hugging him.

"I'm not going to fuss at you. But I don't really think YOU want to die of oxygen deprivation."

Haru continued to stare at him, for a moment, before letting out an odd choking noise, and burying his face in Shigure's chest. He hated being scared, but he hated crying even more. However, both of those were happening at once, and it was pissing him off to no end.

Shigure idly hoped he wouldn't upset himself too much. But really, in his professional opinion, the ox needed to let some of that out before it built up and he had a serious episode. He hugged his littler boyfriend close and rested his cheek on his spiky white hair.

"I...I was scared." He admitted, in between sobs, as he desperately argued with himself between letting all of this out, and to stop crying right away. "I couldn't breathe, and I...I was scared..."

"That's why I suggested you be careful." The dog mumbled. "Neither you nor I want you to have to feel like that again."

"I don't like..." He managed to choke out. "Don't like feeling scared...and weak, and helpless..."

"You're not helpless in all things, Haa-kun." Just because he didn't have total control over his lungs didn't mean that.

"B-but, I can't do anything about what actually matters..." His shoulder wracked with another sob. "I...I don't-want to die...from this..."

"It's this or that with death." Shigure whispered. "You still have plenty of time left. I wouldn't worry about that particular detail so much."

"You-you don't know that!" Haru pointed out, eyes widening with fear. He could feel his lungs reacting to his panic already. "What if it happens again? You h-heard what Tori-nii said. I...I could die any time..."

"He said you could suffocate." Shigure corrected. "Calm down?"

"It's the same thing!" Haru continued to sob, trying to obey, but still managing to fail. "T-they both mean dying..."

"Everyone dies eventually. You can't let it ruin the time you do have." The dog nuzzled him comfortingly.

"I'm SCARED!" He repeated, frowning through his tears. Not to say that he had been smiling before, but now he was annoyed too.

"Don't be? Fear is a waste of emotion." Shigure sweat dropped.

"Well, it's not like I WANT to be!" He moved his face from Shigure's chest, so he was actually looking at him. "How many times in the last five minutes did I JUST say 'I don't like being scared'?"

"Enough so that even the slowest two year old would understand?"

"Thank you!" He sighed, and let his head hang unhappily.

"Come now, wouldn't you have been suspicious if I didn't manage to annoy you even a little?" The writer wondered, noting that the ox was finally calming down.

"Quite possibly..." He admitted, closing his eyes to try and halt the flow of tears from exiting his eyes any more. "Goddamnit..." He grumbled, trying to scrub them away as well. "I hate crying..."

"If it makes you feel better, you look very cute when you stop being the living glacier boy."

"'The living glacier boy'?" Haru echoed, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're allowed to be emotional. But you aren't very often, and when you are, it's cute..." Shigure offered. Maybe he shouldn't be thinking his lover's pain was cute... But ever heard the phrase "pretty when you cry"?

"But..." Haru protested slightly. "Usually, when I'm emotional, he comes out and tries to beat Kyo up..." It never worked, but Black Haru ALWAYS tried!

"Obviously not this time though."

"Well, Kyo's not here to try to beat up to begin with..."

His older boyfriend kissed him to get him to shut the hell up.

And Haru almost suffocated right there. All these mixed emotions (happiness, sadness, etc.) were just too much for the poor kid to handle!

He really liked breathing, though. And he hadn't been doing nearly enough of it that day, in his personal opinion.

The dog pet his hair softly. "Now. You need to calm down. Maybe take a nap."

And, had he been able to breathe, and thus talk, Haru probably would have probably agreed to that. But...he kind of couldn't. So, he just gripped the front of Shigure's shirt, and gave him several frightened looks. Damnit! How was he supposed to calm down about this when it kept happening?

"I mean it, calm down and just concentrate on breathing." Shigure commanded gently. This wasn't like Yuki, where the boy's windpipe was blocked. There was just scar tissue in his lungs preventing him from filling up said lungs as far as he needed. The ox really just needed to calm down and work at it.

Haru frowned, and tried to do that. He really did! And it worked. It just...took longer than he'd have liked it to...

"There." The author smiled lightly. "See."

"I...REALLY don't like that." Haru complained quietly, and kept breathing deeply, in order to keep his lungs working period. He almost started crying again, right there, too.

"Shhh, go to sleep for a little while, okay?" The dog requested

"Yeah..." He agreed with a tiny nod, but he didn't move toward his futon, still. "Stay with me?" He requested after a moment of just watching Shigure. He didn't want to be alone at the moment, actually.

The dog thought about that for a moment. He really couldn't stay, if they didn't want to be caught. But if his lover needed him...?  
"For a while." He consented.

"Thank you." He smiled a little, tugging on his hand a little, as he got up to actually go over and sleep IN his bed, as opposed to somewhere northeast of it.

Shigure made sure to tuck the boy in and stayed nearby holding his hand for a while. The door was still locked, so nobody would just barge in…But the older man did leave eventually; he didn't want to push his luck.

_To be continued…_

_"And I want you now  
I want you now  
I feel my heart implode  
And I'm breaking out  
Escaping now  
Feeling my faith erode…" –Muse (Hysteria)  
_


	4. Tumble and Slide

Disclaimer: We don't own it, we don't claim it.  
A/N: Refer to chap one.  
A/N 2: I'm probably going to be the only one to get the chapter title…Maybe I'll explain it later…maybe. Hn...eleven reviewas...that seems like enough to start answering them. 

Seylin: Yeah, Haru always struck me as the type who'd hate to be afraid of anything, and would rarely admit it, even if he were. I wanted to put him in a position where he'd be forced to admit (both mentally and verbally) and come to grips with it. And, I'd like to think I've succeeded.

Kloudy Reignfall: Six chapters total. It was originally eight, but revisions with the spacing had to be made, and it turned out it flowed better with six. Laughs And, as to updating so often, consider it karmac. This is just my way of making up for neglecting other projects. Pokes When Evil Rules All, Hell's Judgment, and Trump Card

Nekki Greenleaf: Laughs I'm the queen of unusal and rare pairings. The girl I wrote this with and I are actually working on another weird one right now. We have some stuff up on her account too, you'll need to go look up BizzareLoveTriangle on Mediaminer to find them, though.

* * *

_**Breathe no More**_

_**Chapter four**_  
_**Tumble and slide**_

Haru was still asleep when Shigure just left, and really didn't seem to notice the sudden lack of contact, and just slipped deeper into slumber. He must have been sleepier than he'd thought; usually, he was a light sleeper. Light enough to notice when someone let go of his hand, anyway.

Or maybe Shigure is just that good. Either way, he just passed by Hatori's to assure him the ox was just fine before heading back to his own home.

Well, no matter how good Shigure was, it didn't explain the ox not wanting to get up the next morning, when he'd gotten well over twelve hours of sleep. He'd have to ask Hatori about that later, Haru decided as he got dressed to go to school.

"Not getting enough oxygen does that." The dragon responded idly when asked about that. "Fatigue. Your muscles, brain, et cetera, need air to function. The scars caused by your disease don't allow you to get all that oxygen."

"Oh..." Haru blinked a little, thinking that over. It did make sense. "That sucks." He decided after a couple seconds. First, this stupid sickness made it so he couldn't breathe all the time, and now it made him sleepy too? He had Black to do that, already!

"Yes. Terminal illnesses tend not to be fun..." The doctor murmured. He felt kind of bad about it, but there wasn't anything he could do.

"I kind of figured that out." He nodded, still thinking about the entire situation.

"You've been spending time with Shigure?" Hatori wondered idly. He wasn't certain to what extent their little relationship went, but he wasn't stupid, even if Shigure tried to hide it for just everyone-in-general's safety. Hatori was his best friend and could very well tell. He did have to wonder how Haru stood the idiot, though.

"Yeah..." Haru confirmed absently, only half paying attention to what he was being asked, or what his reply was.

The dragon almost smiled at him. If the kid hadn't had a terminal illness he would have hoped Shigure would annoy the living hell out of him. Instead, he went off to keep working. Haru could LEAVE any time now.

And he did. He probably would have, even if Hatori had still been speaking. He did, however, snap out of his slight trance, once he was outside. He wanted to go see Shigure...So, he set out, silently praying he would be able to actually FIND his way there...

He didn't use the most direct path, and it took a while. But he usually makes it eventually. The only problem was that when he did arrive, Shigure wasn't there.

"Mit-chan showed up and dragged him off." Yuki stated simply. He was home alone since Kyo was at his lessons and Tohru was at work.

"Great...!" Haru groaned, panting heavily from the walk over, and leaning against the house a bit, as he struggled to catch his breath. It wasn't working very well, though. "That's fucking PERFECT." He really wasn't talking to Yuki, just ranting in general.

The rat looked at him oddly, stooping down to look at his leaned over cousin a bit.

"What did you do, run over here?" He blinked carefully. Maybe the ox needed something important?

"No." Haru replied automatically, though he could have kicked himself afterward. He should have lied and said "yes", damnit!

"Do you want to come inside?" His older cousin wondered. He was breathing hard for having not run. Maybe he needed to sit down and get a drink? Maybe he was sick?

"Sure." He agreed, before breaking into a fit of coughing. That hadn't happened before...well, not unless he had a cold, usually. "Thanks." he choked out, once he was done.

"Are you all right?" Yuki didn't think the whole choking and coughing thing sounded too great. He moved aside and they headed to an area with seats.

"Eh...sort of, for now." He replied vaguely. He hadn't been able to do a great job lying to Yuki since he'd met him, and the rat could always see through him when he tried. So, he'd stopped trying, after a while.

"'For now'?" The rodent repeated. "That now requires elaboration."

"Yuki...!" Haru whined a little. He'd never been able to tell him "no", either. And he now cursed that weakness ten times over. "Look, I'm sick, but it's nothing you need to worry about. I'm not contagious, so I'm not going to give it to you."

"Why are you here if you're sick?" Yuki sounded almost worried. Shouldn't he be home resting, or something?

"Tori-nii can't do anything about it." Haru shrugged a little. "And, there's no way I'm just going to sit around and rot, hoping it goes away."

"What are you talking about?" The older Sohma cocked his head to one side. Haru sure was being talkative, but he really wasn't saying anything either.

"I told you," Haru offered him an odd look. "I'm sick, and Tori-nii can't fix me."

"That doesn't tell me much."

"Well, what do you want?" Haru asked him in frustration. "A name?" He really didn't want to give it out, and worry Yuki...

"Okay?"

Haru just groaned and rested his face in his hands.

"Pulmonary Fibrosis." He told Yuki, honestly not caring if he knew what it was or what it did. He didn't plan to explain. Mostly because he wasn't exactly sure himself.

"And it does ?" Haru sure was being difficult about this.

"I honestly don't know." He admitted, running his fingers through his hair, and looking up again. "Something about scarred tissue in the lungs, I think. Either way, it means my lungs don't work right, and it's -" he paused. Did he really want to tell Yuki he was dying? No. "-terminal." But he did, anyway.

A very odd look came to Yuki's face.

"And you deemed this unworthy to share?"

"Yes." He nodded matter-of-factly. "It's embarrassing, and...I don't want to worry anyone..." The only reason Yuki knew was because he was Yuki. Haru told him that, too.

"Okay..." The rat mumbled.

"So...when's Sensei coming home?" The ox asked a moment later. He really wanted to see Shigure...

Yuki looked around for a clock until he saw the time.

"Not for a couple hours, probably about fiveish..." He looked back at his cousin. "You can wait for him, if you want..."

"That'd be great." He agreed. It would save him from having to walk home, and back again...

So he ended up spending time with rodent boy. Said mouse was having a bit of problems. Terminal illness? As in death? Why, yes... He didn't want Haru to die. He'd had enough fear and conceit to keep telling Haru "no" for all those years in the hopes that he could keep getting the affection without having to worry about fucking up an actual relationship. But now that he was going to die... Maybe he should stop being such a pussy and actually respond like he wants to be responded to? Maybe. Well. He looked up at the clock a bit later. He better do it soon or Shigure was going to get home, and he didn't think he'd be able to work the nerve up again. Maybe this was a bad idea... Well, fuck. He finally just went right ahead and did it.

'Kissing Haru is a bad idea!' his poor little brain was squealing... But it was ignored.

Haru made an odd little gasping sound when he was kissed. WHY was this happening? Did God really hate him that much? For YEARS he'd wanted this, and Yuki picked NOW to actually do it? Now, when he had a boyfriend - who, by the way, was coming home any minute?

The rat pressed closer on instinct as he continued. His heart was beating loudly in his ears, keeping him from hearing the sound of the door a few minutes later. Well. There was Shigure. He was feeling vaguely irritated at being dragged off like that. It was too late to really get angry about it now, but what if Haru had come by and needed him? On his way to the stairs he spotted his cousin's in the living room and raised an interested eyebrow at the sight before him.

"What was that?" Haru spluttered, pulling back, after a moment.

His older cousin hung his head and blushed rather darkly.

"I've wanted to-"

"But-" He protested a little. "But, why NOW?" Why not last month? While he was still single?

"Why not now?" Yuki offered weakly.

"Well...I...and he...I'm not..." He stammered, as red as Yuki was. "Single!" He finished finally. "I'm not single."

Yuki and Shigure were both amazed to hear that. The poor little rat stared at him and got even darker in the face. Yes. He'd waited too long. He'd fucked up, and... Why was Shigure standing over there...?  
Haru blinked, and followed his cousin's line of vision, over to his boyfriend.

"Sensei..." He winced a little. Shigure had just seen him kissing Yuki. Well, actually, he'd seen Yuki kissing him, but wasn't it the same thing?

"Don't let me ruin your moment, boys." The dog laughed softly. He didn't want the ox to turn down Yuki on his account. His little lover had waited years for that; he wasn't about to fuck that up for him. So, he told them to carry on before turning and heading for his study.

"Damnit!" Haru growled, unhappily. Stupid, useless, ass! "Yuki, I..." He trailed off, and just got up to go after Shigure. This needed to be sorted out. Right. Then.

Shigure was humming idly in his office as he sorted through some papers on his desk. He had a list of his projects written down, and since he'd just finished a book he wondered which one he felt like doing next. Maybe he could go change out of this suit first... Or Haru could come into his office and he could just keep sorting through the papers on his desk like it's nothing.

"Look," Haru spoke up, before Shigure could brush it off as nothing. "About what happened out there...I never - I mean, I didn't..." He trailed off, and tried to sort through his words. "That is...damnit all! HE kissed ME!" That really was all there was to it...

"Why didn't you kiss him back?" The brunette snorted. Maybe that paper was in one of his drawers...

Haru gave him a confused look, and repeated what he'd told Yuki.

"Because I'm not single...?" He offered, raising an eyebrow.

"Psssh." Shigure absently waved that off. "Never stopped anyone before, Haa-kun."

"I'm NOT going to cheat on you..." Haru murmured, still confused. He was actually in a relationship with someone he cared about, who cared about him, too, and whom Akito would never touch. Why on earth would he give that up?

"You're one of the few who would see that particular situation as cheating." The dog pointed out making a triumphant noise when he finally found his paper and began looking over the title names. "Yuki was first in line, after all."

"But...that doesn't make any difference." Haru pointed out. "I mean, YOU'RE the one who I'm actually with." Or, at least, he was pretty sure of that - for the moment, anyway. So, unless Shigure intended to break up with him, that statement was one-hundred-percent true.

Shigure smiled at him. "Haa-kun, I'm not a little boy. I'm not going to be mopey and terribly hurt if you wanted to go with Yuki, the one you've been in love with for years, now that he's shown he has interest in you." Okay, that was a lie. He would be mopey and a bit hurt, but he wouldn't ever, ever show it.

"I DO have morals..." Haru felt he should point out, with a small frown. Shigure was NOT going to break up with him...He wouldn't be dumped again...

"Of course. But you have feelings too, and apparently so does Yuki-kun."

"Spit it out." Haru ordered, getting a bad feeling in his stomach. "What're you saying?

"Don't waste your chance?" Haru has a terminal illness. Wasting his chance would be amazingly stupid.

"I told you!" Haru frowned a little. "I'm not going to cheat on you."

"Haa-kun, this isn't really about me anymore." Shigure chuckled. "It's not about your morals. It's about what you want. You're not getting another shot at this." He stated bluntly.

"But...if it doesn't work..." He would be loosing two people in one move. He wasn't sure if he could handle that...

"I thought you said you didn't want to live what time you had being afraid?" The dog changed tactics and taunted slightly.

"I don't." He frowned a bit. "I also don't want to fuck up."

"You really should stop worrying about that all the time." His older cousin chuckled. "Between you and Yuki-kun, that's why it's taken as long as it has for anything at all to happen between you."

"Look," Haru growled slightly. "If you're going to dump me, do it now. I don't have time to stand around and wait for you to make up your mind."

"It is made up, Haa-kun." The dog grinned mischievously and propped his elbow up on his desk and rested his face in his hand.

"That doesn't excuse not informing me."

"But it is more fun to make you guess."

"I should smack you." Haru mused with an exasperated look. "Or, better yet, knee you in the groin."

"Pain is no good." Shigure pouted a little. "You'd ruin my fun and hit me?"

"Yes." He nodded. "Most assholes get hit during the breaking up process."

"Grumpy, grumpy!" The author continued to tease.

"I'm serious!" Haru spat, his breathing speeding up slightly. "I really should hit you!"

"If it would make you feel better?"

"I'm leaving now." Haru informed him, backing up toward the door. He could feel tears prickling behind his eyes, but he wasn't going to cry over this. He wouldn't give Shigure that.

"Haa-kun..." The dog sighed. He was pushing just a bit too hard. He'd done it to Kyo-kun and Yuki-kun before, too... But pouring oil on fires was his gift. He got up quickly and snatched up the kid. "You should make your guess first."

"I swear to God, if you hurt me, I'll never speak to you again." He warned, though he still didn't guess anything.

Shigure pulled him in tighter and nibbled idly on his ear.

"Hush and guess whether I'm keeping you or sending you off to play with bratty little Yuki-kun."

"I don't know, damnit!" He sighed, muscles tense, and breathing fast. "I'm not even sure if I care..."

"You are no fun at all." The dog rolled his eyes. "I'd give you a hint and kiss you, but you're already upset. Can't have you suffocating on me."

"I DIDN'T kiss him." Haru stated one more time, trying really hard to slow his breathing down, but it wasn't working very well.

"I believed you the first time." The writer pointed out gently.

"Then what was with all that?" He wanted to know, offering his boyfriend a frustrated look.

"I like teasing people."

"You don't tease people about that!"

"I tease people about everything." He kissed the tip of the ox's nose. "Because I'm a complete asshole like that."

"You scared me, bastard!" Haru spit, shaking his head, and almost hitting him there. "I should hit you, anyway!"

"If it would make you feel better?" Shigure offered again. "Besides, I meant what I said. I don't want you to miss your chance on my account."

"And I meant what I said." Hatsuharu stated. "I don't want to fuck anything else up."

"Shouldn't you worry about that either way?" Shigure wondered. "You are dating someone, no matter who you choose."

"Well, yeah, but-" But, if he chose Yuki and fucked up, he'd lose two people! It hadn't changed, really. The problem was still the same.

"Yuki-kun is a brat who doesn't deserve you to begin with." His older boyfriend stated finally. If he wasn't worried about Haru's potential death, he would have snogged him senseless right there...

Haru snorted, willing his muscles to relax, practically melting against him.

"I told you, I won't cheat on you."

Shigure groaned happily before taking out his kissing instincts on the boy's neck instead.

"I'm all flattered and stuff." he laughed.

"I should probably explain to Yuki, though..." He realized, blinking a few times, really annoyed with his heavy breathing. "I kinda just walked out on him..."

"Could you calm down while you do that so I can ravish you later?" His lover suggested with a small chuckle. He was sort'a kind'a kidding... Sort'a...

"I've been trying..." Haru admitted. "...For a good three minutes."

"Well, hanging around your irritating boyfriend most certainly isn't helping anything." He grinned. "I need out of this suit anyways." He sighed dramatically. The suit really was bothering him now...

"But you look good in pants." Haru pouted a little, though he still didn't pull away from him.

"Now, now. I wear pants when I'm being a good boyfriend, but I must get back into writer mode so I can tease Mit-chan into suicide." Shigure smiled.

"But, you STILL look good in pants!" He protested a little, but he did pull away, and set off to find his other cousin in the house. This really wasn't going to help his breathing slow down, he just knew it.

Yuki was sitting on the couch, idly berating himself. He felt only kind'a, sort'a, just a bit stupid after doing that.

"Yuki..." Haru called, going back into the room, announcing his presence as he approached.

"Oh." The rat ran a hand through his hair, and that was about all the response the ox got.

"Oh?" Haru raised an eyebrow, but he didn't push it further, and just went to sit with Yuki on the couch. "Look, I'm...flattered that you're finally giving me the time of day. And, a month or two ago, I would have been thrilled. But...I'd be lying if I told you anything other than 'I'm sorry' now."

Be prepared for Yuki's utter pride and brattiness. He looked irritably upon the other. He already felt like an ass, and that was helping.

"Oh," he repeated darkly. "I see. I'm sorry. You're right, I didn't realize how all the thrill would be gone once I actually consented to it!" Then in a mild fit he smacked the younger boy across the face before sulking off. This is exactly what he'd been afraid of...

"What the hell!" Haru looked alarmed, and automatically held a hand over his struck cheek, before getting up to follow him. "You REJECTED me! Again, and again!" He ranted, right on the edge of going Black. "You can't expect me to stand there and play your security blanket, in case your other options bottom out!" He pointed out. "Yes, I moved on. Were you hoping for something else?"

"You talk like that's what I wanted to do." The rat grunted in extreme annoyance. He wasn't going to get worked up about this... He wasn't going to get worked about this... "It wasn't. Now shut up before I smack you again."

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me." Haru rolled his eyes. "You pull that crap and try to make ME out to be the bad guy?"

"Yes. It's my special skill." Yuki glanced over his shoulder coolly for a moment before continuing on his way.

"Give me a break, Yuki!" Haru called after him. "You kissed me in front of my boyfriend! There is NO way this is my fault!"

One of Shigure's shoes, which were by the door, was chucked in the ox's general direction; then Yuki was out the door and gone. That could have gone better. But the rat was too annoyed and hurt right now to give so much as half a fuck.

Haru dodged the shoe carefully, only to have another coughing fit.

"I'm gonna go home now, Sensei!" He called into the near empty house, trusting the dog to hear him. "Think I might take a nap." He was still feeling really tired. Stupid lack-of-oxygen-induced fatigue...

His lover all but flew down the stairs, glomping him carefully.

"Okay," He crooned, and upon inspecting his reddened cheek, licked it. "Want me to walk you, so you don't get lost?"

"Sure." He agreed, with a small smile. Yuki hadn't needed to hit him...! "Thank you."

"It appears I need to relocate my shoes..." Shigure murmured before going on the great search. It hadn't sounded like Yuki and Haru were getting along too well; but, then again, he wasn't about to admit to eavesdropping,

"It's a little to your left, Sensei." Haru informed him, with a slight sweat drop.

"Methinks lady Yuki doth protest too much." The dog commented idly as he reclaimed his shoe.

"Yuki's being a bitch." Haru stated, speaking up against his cousin for the first time since he was seven years old.

"Oh, quite a mouth on this one." The older man grinned over at him wryly.

"Well, he is!" The ox insisted, rolling his eyes. "Trying to make it look like I'm the one at fault..."

"Lord, I know." Shigure laughed, returning for his other shoe. "He finally works up the nerve to express how he actually feels just to find out I've stolen you, then knowing the way his brain works he feels like a complete fool." He winked at his boyfriend once he had his shoe on. "Of course, that was no reason to smack you. He could have done like any other normal teenager and sulked in his room."

"Sensei, it didn't take him nine years to work up the nerve to kiss me."

"Exaggeration is one of those amazing gifts us writers seem to have."

"Whatever," he shrugged a little. "I'm tired. Can we go home, now?"

"Yes, come on," Shigure urged him, in a teasing voice that he would probably use with a seven-year-old as well.

Haru could deal with being tired; he had to every time he Blacked out and went back. Being THIS tired, on top of being constantly short of breath, was wearing on his nerves REALLY fast.

That's why his nice boyfriend gave him a short kiss, tucked him in bed and then returned to his own home praying the entire time that Yuki didn't kill him.

_To be continued…_

_"Don't confuse  
Baby, you're gonna loose your own game  
Change me  
Replacing the envying  
To forget your love…" –Muse (Plug in Baby)_  



	5. He'll never not know

Disclaimer: We don't own it, we don't claim it.  
A/N: Refer to chapter one.  
A/N 2: A small warning, starting about here, this story takes a dive-bomb into really, really depressing. >>; I.e. (Most of) the warnings actually come into play about here. (Impressive, isn't it?) So, if you're not looking for an excuse to angst-out, you might just want to not read these last few chapters, okay?

_Breathe no More  
Chapter Five  
He'll never not know_

Hatsuharu didn't go to school the next day. Why? Because he overslept, and by the time he woke up, he didn't see the point. He'd never make it in time, and it was already past noon. He'd be lucky to arrive for his last period. Besides, he really couldn't just will himself out of bed that day; it wasn't going to happen.

Yuki was unhappy about that. He'd intended to apologize, and then the ox didn't show up. Now he'd have to go onto the grounds, or wait till he came back to school. Neither of those options sounded good, especially since being around Shigure was not fun. The dog really wasn't doing anything (for once), but Yuki felt...guilty, jealous, outraged, unhappy. It just didn't feel good...

Well, it wouldn't have done much good, anyway, even if he had gone. Haru slept most of the day. He was so tired, he felt like he'd been Black for days on end. After finally getting a call from the school, Hatori-super-doctor-man made his appearance.

"Hatsuharu?" He wondered as he knocked carefully on the door.

Haru groaned a little, and buried his head under his pillow. That really didn't do much, and just made breathing even harder, so he surfaced again...and tried to go back into a deeper state of slumber. The dragon raised an eyebrow at that, and came into the room all the same.

"Hatsuharu?" he tried again, crouching down and lightly prodding him.

Haru let out an odd, frustrated sigh, and peeked one eye open at him.

"What," Haru spoke up groggily, "do you want?" In his defence, he never had dealt well with being woken up.

"The school is wondering where you are." Ha'ri told him. "I thought I should find out before they try calling Akito-san."

"Sleepy." Haru answered him...like 'sleepy' was a place, or something.

"That doesn't excuse you from school."

"I tried getting up," Haru promised him, still not making an move to do so again, and actually rolling away from the dragon. "It didn't work."

The older man reached over and gently felt at his neck for pulse and breathing and such. It was still there, but neither could get the oxygen they needed.

"You might want to try again, if you don't want Akito-san to find out. Even though it's probably only a matter of time."

"It's over today, anyway." He felt he should point out, with a quick glance at his clock.

"Tomorrow then."

"Mmm...Sure." He agreed, already half asleep again. "Tomorrow."

Hatori sighed before leaving again. There really wasn't much he could do about a terminal, incurable, disease.

The next day, Haru did manage to get out of bed, and into his uniform and off to school and everything. Falling asleep in class that was the problem, then...Or, actually, falling asleep was easy. It was NOT falling asleep that was the problem.

The teacher eventually came over and did what all teachers do; she loudly snapped, or dropped something in front of him, jolting him into the world of the conscious. Then she glared and warned him to stay awake, or else.

Haru was feeling a bit pitiful, after that happened. It wasn't his fault! He didn't ask for this sickness, or any of it side effects!

At lunch, Yuki thought to approach him. He was going to apologize if it killed him... But... he was asleep. The rat frowned and poked him a little.

Haru growled a little, and cursed a few times, before opening his eyes, to see his older cousin.

"Oh." He blinked a couple times, trying to wake up completely. "Hi."

The rodent stared at him for a moment. He had almost been worried the younger boy was really angry.

"Hi?" He tried uncomfortably, and his head hung just a bit. "You haven't been here for a few days." He finally tried, stating the obvious. His pride didn't want him to apologize, but he knew he'd need to eventually... that didn't mean right now?

"I haven't felt well." He informed him, with a tiny shrug, making a mental note to get as much caffeine as he could as soon as possible.

"I was worried about you." Yuki sighed. "You're okay now?" This was getting progressively more uncomfortable.

"Not really." He shook his head, honestly too tired to fully grasp the fact that he wasn't helping with the worried thing. "But...Tori-nii says it's...normal's a bad word for it..."

His older cousin groaned slightly. "I'm so sorry." he finally forced himself to blurt out. No more idle small talk. It needed to be said. NOW.

"It's nothing you can help." The ox brushed it off, not grasping the fact that Yuki wasn't talking about his illness.

"Didn't mean that." The rat sighed unhappily. "I'm sorry about-about-"

"Yuki," Haru sighed after a moment of this. "I'm really tired. Spit it out?"

"I'm sorry about hitting you and having a rather undignified hissy fit." Yuki finally offered.

"Oh..." He blinked, and nodded. "Forget it. No hard feelings, promise."

"You and Shigure both..." The older Sohma frowned unhappily. "Are just so very calm about it. It's unnerving."

"Sorry to scare you..." Haru raised an eyebrow, and resigned himself to not getting anymore sleep just then. "Look, you were pissed, I get that. It's not something I'm going to blame you for."

"I just didn't-" He'd felt like an idiot… "-know." He was struggling for words now too. "How long and-and how?" He didn't want to pry. But the rat had feelings that wouldn't be laid to rest without some good solid closure.

"Not really sure how," He admitted, thoughtfully. "But, only about a month. Not long."

Years after Yuki and only a month with Shigure? And the ox would choose the dog over the rat? That kind-of hurt, but he had asked.

"Right... I'm sorry I woke you up." He finally bowed and hustled off.

"You rejected me, Yuki." Haru pointed out, before he could get too far away. "Just remember that." He added, before slipping back to sleep.

The rodent glanced at him sadly before just walking faster. That could have gone better, but he really had done this to himself.

Haru wasn't sure how he was going to make it through the rest of the afternoon, and stay awake. But...that threat from his teacher bothered him, and he really didn't want to have to explain about his little...problem to her.

That was futile, though. And when he refused to explain to her, she simply dismissed him, and once he was gone she called Akito-san. Obviously this Hatori-san wasn't doing anything about it, so the person paying for his education might. Fun stuff, huh...?

Haru was happy to leave, and just hoped he didn't pass out on the walk home. That would really suck. It might be days before anyone bothered to look for him, what if he died? Well, God only knows how, but he made it home. And he had every plan to just go straight to his room and go back to bed. Or not. Akito was waiting at his door for him.

"Hello, Hatsuharu." The man smirked. "How would you like to come have a chat with me? We haven't talked in so very long." That wasn't really a question, of course.

The poor ox really could have broken down crying, too. God really MUST hate him...

"Sure..." He agreed, though his tone was involuntarily pained, and followed Akito into his little lair. He really just wanted to go to sleep...

"Your teacher called to whine at me about your absence, and then your sleeping in class." He informed the boy simply. Maybe he would be able to put two and two together all on his own.

"Crap." Haru sighed. "In my own defence, I wouldn't have been sleeping in class if she weren't so bothered by my absence." That really didn't help much, but his brain wasn't fully functioning, from the lack of oxygen reaching it.

"Oh?" The head was looking forward to further explanation.

"Mmhmm." Haru confirmed. "I would have been sleeping at home." An explanation Haru really didn't plan on giving him.

"Why are you so sleep deprived, little ox?" Akito smiled. "What have you been off doing?"

"Nothing." Haru blinked a little. "I'm not sleep deprived at all-just sleepy."

"People aren't just sleepy for no reason." Akii crooned softly.

"Maybe I'm narcoleptic?" He offered, quite frankly, unwilling to spill his guts and explain to Akito, just yet.

"Do you really know the symptoms of narcolepsy?"

"Well...not EXACTLY..."

"Did... you know narcoleptics also have catalectic seizures..." His older cousin wondered. "Not just that they can't control their wakeful and unconscious states."

"No...didn't know that part." He confirmed with a frown. Damnit. Stupid details...fucking up his perfectly good excuse...

"The truth would be nice…" Akito mused. "But your lies are far more fun..."

"But...Akito-san...the truth really sucks." He really wanted to cry now...or pass out...or both. People could cry while they were unconscious, right?

"Life... ah... sucks in general?"

"So does dying." Haru grumbled under his breath, for a moment forgetting the fact that Akito already knew that.

"Thank you for explaining that fact to me, Hatsuharu." The head seethed irritably. "But I think you have far too many years left in you to be worry about such a thing."

"Or not." Haru looked up at him tiredly. He really should have known better than to think he could try and keep a goddamned secret in this family...

"Oh?" Akito rolled his eyes. "Why don't you tell me about it?"

Haru pondered for a moment whether Akito would actually care or not, but just threw caution to the winds and started talking.

"Tori-nii says I have Pulmonary Fibrosis. And it really sucks, and I can't breathe, and I'm SO tired..." And he was babbling, so he just shut up all together. He hated rambling...and he rarely did it, so it really annoyed him when he did.

Akii grinned. "That's wonderful." He cooed. "You might actually die before I do."

"Thanks for the sympathy?" Haru blinked a few times. That...was what he was afraid might happen if Akito found out. Well, one of the things, anyway.

"Please. Feel free to die any time." Akito snorted, and dismissed him. He most certainly was happy now. Misery LOVES company.

Well, Haru figured as he left the room and headed back to his own, at least he could go back to sleep now. Akito knew, so he wouldn't have to worry about his teacher getting pissed, and he could probably just skip the next day, if he needed to.

_To be continued…_

_"Cause I know what you want_  
_But you'll just have to wait_  
_If I had it to give_  
_I would give it away_  
_I'm livin' it up_  
_While I'm fallin' from grace_  
_There's no way_  
_There's no way_  
_That I'm running away…" –Breaking Benjamin (Simple Design)_  



	6. Disillusioned Memory

Disclaimer: We don't own it, we don't claim it.  
A/N: Refer to chapter one.  
A/N 2: Wow…this chapter's REALLY depressing. Oo;; I was crying while we were writing it. It wasn't cool. However, all in all, I have to say, I like the way the story ended. (Even if I wasn't too pleased with a few choice bits, here and there.) Enjoy the last chapter! Thanks for sticking with us, thus far.

_Breathe no More  
Chapter six  
Disillusioned memory_

After that, Akito occasionally liked to come pay a little visit now and then. But we doubt Haru gives half a fuck about that. Shigure would come visit him, though. The dog was feeling a little bit sad; when he'd gotten into this relationship, he'd expected to have a bit more time with the boy...

There were a couple times where Haru actually found himself looking forward to dying. He was SO fucking miserable. Despite all his bravado at the beginning, about not dying in bed, he was finding he might not really have much of a choice. There were days when he quite literally COULDN'T get up. And he hated that. He hated feeling weak and tired all the time. He hated the fact that there were days where he couldn't breathe to the point where Hatori had to give him straight oxygen. This was such a...HUMILIATING way to die.

His boyfriend tried his very damnedest to help, but there wasn't much he could do - so he was just there as often as he could, and on the rare occasion that Haru had some energy he made sure to take the boy out to do something. Even if there wasn't much he could do... What a sucky little relationship they'd had.

"You don't need...to waste all your time with me...you know..." Haru murmured between short, panted breaths that made his chest rise and fall in shallow, rapid movements. "You have a life...and a job...I get that..." He'd stopped even trying to go to school at all. The last time he had, he'd gone to sleep so much the teacher had given up all together with him, and told him to go home, before even the lunch bell rang.

"I don't waste all my time with you." His older lover snorted. "It's not a waste, and it's most definitely not all my time." No... he went home to sleep?

Haru just gave him a dry look.

"I...I sleep through most of it any-" He broke off for another round of coughing. The more time that went by, the more often that happened. "Anyway." He finished, once he stopped. "I don't see...why you bother."

Shigure pressed a very short kiss on the ox.

"Because I can." He stated very plainly.

Days turned into weeks and he still wasn't dead. Hatsuharu was becoming quite impatient with it too. He didn't want to deal with this anymore, damnit all!

"When...when is this going to end?" He asked whoever was listening. Hatori and Shigure were both there, at the moment. Hatori had wanted to watch him more carefully, even thought the ox had protested. So, he was currently in the dragon's office.

"When you don't have enough oxygen to power your heart anymore." The dragon suggested.

"Then stop putting it in me!" He half requested, half ordered, with a cross look at his doctor. "Why prolong it? This isn't exactly pleasant." At least when he died his chest wouldn't hurt anymore, and he wouldn't feel so godawful.

Shigure was oddly silent throughout all that. He really wanted a cigarette, but he knew he'd probably kill his boyfriend, if he did so.

"I am not a Kavorkian." Hatori stated.

"It wouldn't be suicide." Haru snapped, his tone getting angrier by the word. "I'm dying anyway, all I'm asking is that you stop making things harder than they already are.

"Hatsuharu, I could be arrested for not giving you proper treatment; you do know that, don't you?" The dragon sighed helplessly.

"It's not like anyone would have to know!" He pointed out, still quite put out. "Besides, isn't it also illegal to treat a patient against their will?"

"No." Tori told him flatly.

"Well," He paused, losing a bit of his argument. "It should be…"

"Not only is it not illegal, it goes against my own morals, as well as the oath I had to take to be a doctor." Hatori felt mildly annoyed now. "So, no. I'm not going to just let you die." He wished Shigure would fucking speak up! But the dog was still being quiet in this argument.

"You don't have much of a choice, do you?" Haru snapped, about another argument away from going Black. "Tori-nii, if I'm going to die, I want to do it on my terms. And my terms happen to be as soon as possible!"

"Things don't always go according to our terms." Ha'ri pointed out, his mild annoyance growing slightly. Did the dog give a fuck or not? He'd only spent the last half a year or so with the ox every waking moment, and now when it really mattered he said nothing? Why was he fighting for HIS boyfriend? Good lord!

"Just shut up." Yep...there went that temper..."Okay?" Black looked at him, appearing a lot calmer than he actually was. "Good. Now, I am REALLY fucking tired. Sick of it! Checked out! NOT. Dealing. With. It. Anymore." If it was at all possible, his breathing sped up even more. "You can't fix me! So just stop trying!"

"Haa-san," Shigure finally fucking spoke. "I don't think this is something that needs to be discussed."

"Oh. Now you speak up." The dragon glared half-heartedly.

"His mind is made up; leave him alone, please?" The dog offered.

"Tch. I'm not going to have anything to do with him dying." The doctor stated. "IF you do actually care, you take care of him." He added that under his breath; it was only for Shigure to hear. He had no idea if the dog actually cared about their younger cousin, or if he was just a playmate to the jerk.

"Neither of you take care of me!" Black looked at them like they were crazy. Had Hatori NOT just listened to what he'd said? The 'stop trying' had applied to any attempts the dragon might make, whether directly by his own hand, or otherwise. "Do I have to spell it out for you? Piss off!" A week with no medical attention, and he'd be gone. That was one thing he was confident of.

"Haa-san, you can go. I promise. It's okay." The writer finally told him. "Go to your house and drink some tea or something."

Hatori frowned at both of them. "Right, let you kick me out of my own office. Wonderful." He grumbled, but he did turn to leave.

The dog cast an odd look down at his boyfriend then. He wasn't sure if he wanted to get any closer. Black Haru might hit him... Haru's chest was heaving more than ever, and he looked like he might very well explode right there, as Black tried desperately to calm both himself, and the body he shared with White, down.

"What...do you want?" He panted out finally, after a minute.

"You're not dead yet." The brunette told him carefully. "Should I not spend what time I have left with you...oh, I don't know...with you?"

"Whatever." The ox grumbled, finally slowing his breathing down to what it had been before his little blow up. "Like you actually care, anyway..."

"Oh dear. What gave me away?" Shigure mumbled. It wasn't really certain whether he was being sarcastic or not.

"I'm not stupid." He felt he should point out. "You can't honestly tell me I'm any more important to you than Akito was."

"Almost everyone is equal in my eyes." The dog did admit.

"See?" He almost laughed. "Why would you give a damn about whether you're with me, or at the North Pole, when I die?"

"I have a question." The writer blinked lazily. "Do you care where I am?"

"What if I do?" Haru frowned a little, and for a moment, you couldn't tell whether he was White or Black. Both personalities seemed rather uncertain at the moment. "What difference would it make?"

"Just curious." Shigure grinned wryly. "I would have thought you knew me well enough to know that particular facet of my personality."

"What does it matter?" He frowned again. "You're not leaving, even if I wanted you to."

"And that doesn't say anything at all to you?"

"It says you're an idiot, who wouldn't know 'unwelcome' if it bit you on the ass."

"Love you too, Haa-kun." The mutt snorted helplessly.

"I'm sure." The ox replied disbelievingly.

"I'm sure..." Shigure smile changed a little bit and decided he needed to risk getting closer. "You never believe me."

"Why would I?" His younger cousin blinked in confusion. "It's not like you've ever said that, and actually meant it."

His lover slowly reached up a hand to brush his cheek.

"Well, you have me there. I haven't ever meant it before."

Haru's eyes widened a little.

"I'm not saying it back." He stated, shaking his head a little. "But...he might...if you actually tell him."

"I'll tell him later." Shigure drew him in closer. "I want you both to know about it, and you're here now."

"Stop it." He ordered in a slightly panicked tone. "Stop it or-or you won't have the chance to tell him."

"You would really do that?" The author wondered absently. He didn't really think so.

"Do what?" He asked, his breathing was speeding up again. "It's not like I have much of a choice."

"Please don't do that?" The dog raised an eyebrow. "I finally got Haa-san to leave you alone, but I wanted some time with you before you croak."

"I can-can't help it." He insisted, closing his eyes, with the intention of letting White back out. "You know that!"

Shigure tilted his chin up. "You're getting very upset over nothing." He whispered.

"I'm not fucking upset!" He argued, but he was starting to feel a little dizzy...well, okay, more than a little.

Shigure's arms wormed around his waist, should he pass out.

"You were ready to let White back out, and go back into your mind. The Black I know doesn't just leave conversations when he doesn't like the way they're going." Therefore the boy was upset.

"That's not it at all, genius." He shook his head. "I'm fine with the way the goddamned conversation's going. It's this...this body that I don't like..."

"Of course." The dog laughed, gently kissing the tip of his nose. "Myyyy mistake. Can you eeever forgive me?"

Haru didn't actually reply. He was a little busy trying to breathe at all, forgetting how much he needed to.

Shigure wasn't standing for that this time. He decided to put that artificial resuscitation training to work...

"Please don't die for just a moment?" He requested softly once his lover was breathing again.

"What...do you need now?" You couldn't really tell which half of the ox was out, both were pretty annoyed at the moment.

"Because I'm a selfish bastard." Shigure began. "I would feel rather not so good if you just off and died like that. I'm a writer, can I not get in my cliché little 'I love yous?" He wondered with some puppy eyes thrown in there. "I'd love it if you really believed me too." He really wanted both halves to listen to him.

"When I tried to let him out before...you told me not to." He pointed out.

"I wasn't finished talking to you, then." The dog pointed out, licking his cheek teasingly. He was a dog, after all. He couldn't resist.

"But you're done now...?"

"Not really." The older man grinned. "But you don't really want to talk to me, so I figured I better not push my luck."

"Thank you," he sighed, before letting his more innocent (and more confused) half, back out.

Shigure hugged him tightly, now that he was allowed to. Black had told him to stop before.

"Hello," he crooned softly.

"Nnn…Hi," he murmured, still breathing quickly, still exhausted, and now he had a headache to boot.

"I'm supposed to shut the hell up and let you do what you want after I talk to you." The mutt assured him with an almost sad smile.

"Oh?" He blinked sleepily. "What'd you want to talk about?"

"I'm not too happy that you have to die." The writer informed him. "Did you know that?"

"Wasn't aware." Haru confirmed with a slight headshake.

Shigure forced up a smile again. "I'm kind of fond of you, and I thought maybe you might care to know."

"I love you too, Sensei." Haru smiled tiredly, and yawned. Shigure could never just say it...

He'd known the boy would understand. But all the same he felt kind of stupid right now. He found someone he felt he could say that too, and they were probably going to die soon... It sucked.

"Right, I'm supposed to just let you be now." He mumbled out scratching at his head idly. He didn't really want to do that though.

"I'm allowed to stop hurting?" He wanted to make sure; though, there was a hopeful spark in his eyes too.

"Mm, yeah." The dog confirmed.

"Thank you." He murmured softly, resting his forehead against Shigure's chest. "And…I'm sorry..." Anything else said was lost on him, though. His breathing was slowing down, but not the way it should be.

Shigure laughed darkly before tilting his head up. He wanted his goodbye kiss and he would fucking have it. He hadn't been able to kiss his lover properly for nearly a year because of this disease; if he was going to fucking die anyways, he might as well.

Haru blinked slowly at him. He felt like he was swimming, and a few stay tears ran down his cheeks. He was actually allowed to die now, and he wasn't sure he wanted to anymore. He knew, though, that he didn't have a choice now.

"S-sorry." He choked out once more.

His boyfriend smiled even though his eyes were stormy.

"Big cow pasture in the sky, right...?" He shrugged; he was quite literally biting his tongue to keep from saying anything or doing anything else, though.

Haru let out a few more silent tears, and a couple strangled breaths, before going still in Shigure's arms. It was as this happened that Hatori came back down the hall, speaking as he approached.

"Shigure, I really don't think you should just let him-" He paused, as he entered the door, and saw his cousin so still. "Why isn't Hatsuharu moving?" He wanted to know, his question in an odd little tone.

"Because he's just a bit dead." The dog answered with a soft chuckle. He had to wonder why Hatori was being so very dense. After he got that out he made sure to concrete up his soft smile and continued to hold his tongue still. He wasn't upset, and there was nothing wrong. So there.

"Shigure..." Hatori repeated, frowning, and taking a step toward him, but then stopping again. "Are you...alright?"

"Yes, Haa-san." The writer looked up. He looked okay, to anyone else. But Hatori knew what to look for. Shigure wasn't sure why he was even bothering to try, other than basic principle.

"No, you're not." Hatori argued unnecessarily. "Do you want a hug, or to be left alone?" Honestly...at the moment, he'd be willing to let Shigure have either.

"Hnnn, can I have both and a dog treat?" His smaller friend sighed.

"I'm not the one you want it from." Hatori denied him the treat simply, though he did stride swiftly across the room, to give him that hug.

Shigure laid his head on his friend's shoulder even as he kept his eyes on his rather dead boyfriend. He didn't feel too great right now... Heh, well at least he was feeling kind of thankful that Hatori was there...

"I'm sorry." Hatori told him. He didn't know that that had been the last thing Hatsuharu had said. "I am so sorry..." He'd tried to help Haru...Why hadn't Haru let him help?

"Right... sorry..." The man murmured. He didn't really want anyone to be sorry. He just wanted his boyfriend to be okay. Too bad, huh?

"I know..." Hatori stated, still in that same odd tone. "I know it's hard to lose someone you care that much about..."

"Aww, how sweet, Haa-san." Shigure chortled. "You're opening up for me."

"Don't get used to it." The dragon warned, as though trying to joke, but still failing miserably at it.

"I won't... I don't plan on getting into too many more situations where it's necessary." He promised, moving a little and pressing into the crook of Hatori's neck. He'd had enough of looking at his lifeless lover for a little while...

"No one ever does." Hatori shrugged a little. He wished Shigure would let go of Haru; it couldn't be mentally healthy to hold a dead corpse like that.

...As if Shigure cared. "Eh, I guess this is what I get for doing all those very bad things." He finally mumbled.

"I...don't think it's karma." But, then, it might have been. What the hell did Hatori know about karma?

"I need some way to rationalize away the unpleasant feeling in my lower stomach." Shigure informed him with a soft chuckle. "Once you think of a better one, you tell me."

"Pain, guilt, loss, take your pick." The doctor shrugged a little.

"I don't like any of those." The dog whined slightly. He'd much rather justify it away by thinking he'd deserved this pain and Haru had just been the gods' means to an end.

Hatori just shook his head a little. This was Shigure. He'd deal with it, somehow.

"Why don't you...put him down?" He suggested after a few moments. It felt wrong, somehow, to refer to Haru's body as a 'that'. "I'll talk to Kureno and Akito later, and we can get a funeral planned for him."

"Okay..." Shigure snorted and just did what his friend said. "Haa-san knows best, after all..." But then he sighed and moved back to where he had his face buried in his friend's shoulder. He wasn't going to cry. Shigure doesn't cry. But he did feel like crap. He potentially felt worse than when he'd let Kazuma take Kyo's beads...

"I'm sorry." Hatori repeated again. "I tired everything I could to save him for as long as he'd let me..."

"I know, Haa-san." The brunette promised.

The fact of the matter was, Haru was only - what, 16, 17 years old? It was more than just a little unfair that he was dead right now. There was one thing Hatori just didn't get. Haru should have had at least another five years in him. Why had he gone so quickly? Unless...he really had just given up, and just lost the will to go on...? That was probably the most accurate guess they had.

Shigure finally drew away and he just went over by the window and drew out a cigarette. He didn't have to worry about killing his boyfriend with the smoke anymore, so hey, why not?

End

_"This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality  
Embrace this moment  
Remember, we are eternal  
All this pain is an illusion…" –Tool (Parabola)_

E/A/N: I feel really weird about uploading the last chapter to this thing. >> (Maybe that's just because I never finish anything longer than a one shot. xX) Either way. This story was so much fun to write. And, unless I'm much mistaken, it's the first ShigurexHaru to hit the 'Net. I'm so proud of it. (It's also one of the few TI FB fics not involving Yuki or Akito. uU;;; Join the revolution.) I sincerely hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. (I'm asuming Ali enjoyed it too...) It was a blast to create.

Much love and stuff,

-Aubrey-


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